


Digging Two Graves

by TrashcanGod



Series: i will turn myself into a gun [3]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Spoilers, Suicide (mentioned), if you've gotten past That Part in the December palace you'll be good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 21:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11677164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashcanGod/pseuds/TrashcanGod
Summary: Akechi Goro is barely 15 years old, about to graduate junior high school, and he's just completed his first assignment. What he feels doesn't matter--the wheels are finally in motion.





	Digging Two Graves

**Author's Note:**

> "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." -Confucius

The adrenaline that came from completing his first job followed Goro for days. The hit itself was a bit more difficult than anticipated—the target had more fight in her than he expected—but he supposes he should be thankful for that. After all, it was when he was pushed into a corner and overwhelmed with desperation and loathing that Goro fully committed himself to his father's ruin. In that moment, he vowed that for the sake of his plan's success, he would gladly burn himself to the ground first.

Loki rose from the ashes.

Isshiki Wakaba didn't stand a chance.

He's spent a week now stewing in questions and stifling his restless energy as he waits for Shido to contact him with the promised results. Though the curiosity is killing him, Goro distinctly remembers number one of the rules drilled into him: do not, under _any circumstances_ , initiate contact.

(Other rules include: do as he's told with no questions asked; if injured on the job, do not receive medical assistance from anyone not on Shido's list of associates; do not say Shido's name or any other implicating information over the phone... The list goes on.)

Questions have been bouncing around in his head nonstop, overtaking his studying and making it next to impossible to concentrate on the trite lectures his teachers give in class (his grades remain perfect nevertheless). The only person he can possibly raise his queries to is Igor during the occasional visits to the Velvet Room, but the man is horribly unhelpful with his cryptic responses and vague prophesies, and, quite frankly, makes Goro somewhat uncomfortable. (He did, however, explain that Goro's second Persona had manifested because he's _special_ , and Goro has been clinging to that ever since.)

It's when he's walking back from his shitty junior high school to the shittier orphanage, soaked through because he doesn't own an umbrella, that a polished black car pulls up beside him. He isn't sure whether he's more relieved or anxious, but he enters the vehicle regardless. Though there's no way to tell whether it's really Shido's or not, the fact that the windows are so tinted in itself makes him at least mostly sure. If he's wrong, well... he's sure he'll be fine. He's survived so far.

Luckily (arguably), it is Shido behind the wheel. He looks back over his shoulder and eyes Goro through his entirely unnecessary sunglasses with barely suppressed disdain, then reaches over to the passenger seat to grab a copy of today's newspaper and toss it back.

“You look like a drowned rat. Sit on this before you ruin the upholstery.”

Goro catches the newspaper with ease—if he'd fumbled, he would've berated himself for it for weeks—and unfolds it, shifting to place it underneath him as ordered. “Have you gotten your results? I'm assuming you didn't happen upon me and decide to give me a ride out of the goodness of your heart.”

“Don't get witty.” Goro swallows a flinch, as Shido pulls away from the curb to join the flow of traffic as he talks. “But, you assume correctly. Our plan was a success; Isshiki is dead.”

Dead.

Goro doesn't let himself recoil, doesn't let himself show any form of shock at the confirmation that killing someone's cognitive self is equivalent to murder—he'd wondered about it, but had concluded that orders were orders, and he was only doing what he had to do. Now, though, the excuse feels flimsy, as flimsy as his carefully neutral voice when he responds, “I see.”

Shido's focus remains on the road, but his eyes could flick to the rearview mirror at any moment, so Goro remains impassive in the back seat. “Good timing, too—the bitch was near traffic when she shut down. Fell right in front of a car. With that kind of setup, it was easy enough to forge a believable suicide note.”

“Lucky us,” Goro says, voice detached from the visions of his mother hanging from the ceiling that he sees in technicolor flashes.

“The note shifted any attention away from us completely. Implications of maternal neurosis, complaints about motherhood, some well-formulated delivery by my men, and all the blame goes directly onto her daughter.”

_She had a daughter._

He wants to throw up.

“And what of the father...?” he asks instead. His voice wavers imperceptibly, and he wants to hit himself both for that and for the unpleasant feeling ( _not guilt, guilt will kill you in the end, do what must be done and have no regrets_ ) curling up in his gut as he anticipates the answer.

“There isn't one.”

Ah.

Of course.

Goro can hardly hear what Shido says next over the rushing in his ears. Something about the girl having family that she'll be bouncing between. _At least she won't be in the foster system. She's better off than you. She should be grateful._

That's what he tells himself, but he can't help imagining a little girl, lost and alone, an innocent face familiar in its eyes that have seen far too much and are brimming over with self-loathing. He remembers blaming himself for his mother's death, before he focused that acrimony on his father. But Isshiki's daughter doesn't know that there's someone else to blame, that Goro was the one who pulled the trigger and put a bullet through her mother's cognitive skull, that _Goro_ is her _Shido—_ oh god, don't think about that, no, that isn't true, he is  _nothing like him_.

“You've done well,” Shido says finally. The praise, however insignificant it may be, pulls Goro out of his rioting mind like a dog that's heard the promising rattle of kibble. “I told you I'd reward you, so I'm working on getting you an apartment. It'll be more convenient for me if you're unsupervised, anyway. Keep this up, and you can start looking into what high school you'd like to enroll in.”

Goro isn't sure if it's pleasure rising in his throat or bile. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“I'm sure you do, look at that hell hole,” he comments shrewdly as he pulls up beside the orphanage, with its filthy walls and loose shingles and water-stained rooms crammed with too many throw-away children than anyone knew what to do with. “Get out. I'll contact you again soon.”

Goro leaves the car and bows stiffly in thanks, then mechanically opens the gate and walks up to the front door as he hears the sound of tires on wet pavement retreat behind him. He ignores the comments when he enters the house, the questions of who dropped him off, the older kids' jeers asking if he's finally begun whoring himself out. He doesn't care that they'll take his frigid silence as an affirmative.

He heads straight for the bathroom, bends over the toilet, and attempts to purge himself of his sins.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, another Goro fic, what a surprise... I actually have several p5 fics partially drafted, not necessarily about Goro, all mixed up in bits and pieces in my notes app. I'm a mess.
> 
> Anyway, you ever think about how Goro might have been affected psychologically by the parallels between himself and Futaba? Because I do.
> 
> For background on where I'm coming from with Akechi's shitty-ass orphanage and the horrors of the Japanese foster system (and the term "throw-away children"), I highly recommend reading [this post.](http://dissirnulo.tumblr.com/post/163142334360/hello-i-just-stumbled-on-this-blog-by-complete) It's honestly pretty fucked up.
> 
> If you liked this, [check out my tumblr,](https://inquisitivelizard.tumblr.com/) where you'll also find a link to my ko-fi.


End file.
